What is Love?

I used to believe you had to love yourself before you could love, but with you I found that to be false…I don’t love myself…I often hate myself, but you make me love the parts of me that I hate…and I think that’s what love is…

Can You Promise?

Can you promise to try to love me for as long as time is ticking?

Can you promise to try to love me even when I’m so broken that I can’t find any words to leave my mouth?

Can you promise to try to love me even when I can’t hold on?

Can you promise to try to love me even when I’m no longer here?

That’s all I want…

For someone to try…

And I know I’m hard to handle so I understand if there comes a day when you can’t try anymore…

But as long as you try I’ll be happy.

Tough Situations

Sometimes you’re going through life, or even  certain situation that most would say is “hard.” People tell you that you’re doing awesome and handling things better than how most people would. If that’s the case, though, then why sometimes do we feel like we’re handling things poorly, and why do we feel so broken inside? Or, why do we feel like we hate ourselves? I don’t have the answers to these questions. There are times where you have to cry and let the tears come rushing out. That’s okay! Just because you cry doesn’t mean you’re not strong. Nobody can take stress and pain without breaking down. Every once in a while all of us breaks down and it’s just apart of life. Things are hard, life is hard…nobody ever said it was going to be easy. Just remember to try to keep your head up and think of the positive things. Give your mind something to focus on…like reading a book; or write out your feelings in a journal or blog. Maybe you have someone you can talk to to let it all out. Everything will be okay even if you feel like it will never be. There are always good times in life…if you have a horrible day that doesn’t mean there won’t be good times in your week! Yesterday I had a bad day, but when I look back on the day I certainly have moments I can think back on and smile about. If you try hard enough I’m sure you can find the good in a bad day too.

Depression is a hard thing to deal with, but you’ll make it.

Love

Love is like a roller coaster,

It has its ups and downs,

It has scary times and exciting times.

But a roller coaster is supposed to be more exciting than scary,

Just like love.

So what do you do when there’s more scary times than exciting times?

Do what will make you happy,

Nobody likes to be alone.

However, sometimes that’s for the best.

Why Do We Read?

Why do we Read?

Reading, for some, is an escape route,

An escape route from the reality of the real world.

You can jump into stories as if you’re one of the characters,

You can pretend to be somebody else for a while…

You don’t have to deal with problems you’re not ready for.

Or if something upset you, you can easily forget it did.

Reading is an escape route…

Jump into imaginary worlds,

Pretend your problems don’t exist for a while.

How I Got Here-A Teen Pregnancy Story

I have something to share…

I’m 16 and pregnant. Yep… I never thought I’d be here but I am. I thought I’d break the cycle but nope. All of you are probably thinking, “Great… another pregnant teen! Just what this world needs.” Well, I don’t blame you. I feel pretty ashamed of myself too.

In June I noticed things about my body that were different. At volleyball practice I’d lose my breath more easily, my stomach was no longer flat and my breasts seemed bigger. I’m a pretty healthy eater who hadn’t been eating healthy lately so I just thought that I was gaining weight because of that… I refused to believe anything else. However, I was getting scared that I was pregnant. It didn’t make sense for me to gain weight like that and I told my boyfriend I thought I was pregnant. He didn’t believe the thought… we were in denial.

One day I was shopping with my mom and she started seeing the changes too… she asked me if I was pregnant and I replied with, “No way.” She either believed me or maybe she was in denial too, one night she bought me a pregnancy test. The next morning I took it and it came back with Pregnant! That day felt like the worst day of my life. I was scared, worried, angry, sad. I couldn’t stop crying, I didn’t know what to do. Going through a pregnancy seemed impossible. I felt like I wanted to die.

A few days later I found out that I was about 22 and a half weeks pregnant. Therefore I had 3 options:

Abortion

Open Adoption

Keep the baby

I didn’t want an abortion because I felt that I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I got one and I believed that I got pregnant for a reason. I believe that reason was to provide a family with a baby that can’t have one. That’s what I set out to do.

My summer has been filled with adoption appointments and doctor’s appointments. A lot of people in my family have been supportive of me and are helping me get through this rough time. I know that I am incapable to raise a baby at 17 and I want my teenage life… therefore I think open adoption is best, but that’s going to be really hard for me.

The baby is due October 11th, it’ll be a baby boy. I’m really scared for what the future holds but I’m trying to do the best I can. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 14 months, he chose to stick around. He wants to come to the adoption appointments and be involved in choosing the family that our child will grow up with.

Being pregnant in high school is no joke and it’s not fun. It’s hard to go through and nobody understands that. Girls already have enough to go through with being pregnant, they don’t need the bullying either. Just because a girl gets pregnant in high school doesn’t mean she’s a slut. I assure you, there’s plenty of girls that have sex with many guys in high school who don’t get pregnant.

Please, please, please don’t judge anyone until you know the story. You never know what someone is going through or what’s going on in their head. There’s no need to go out of your way to be cruel to someone. Keep your hurtful words to yourself, you never know what they might do to someone.

A Bit About Myself

The reason I decided to make this blog is because whenever I wanted to write something I’d make an Instagram post with a cool picture with the thought I wanted to share. I was asked why I don’t keep a journal, my reply was something like, “I tried to keep a journal and it never really worked out. I think when I feel like writing I make a post because I want to share my thoughts with people,” so here I am. I never pictured myself to be a blogger, but I guess you find new things out about yourself every day.

I’m 16 years old and I take joy from the simple things in life. I believe that simple is better… why go out to breakfast every morning with your family when you can stay home in your pajamas and enjoy the comfort of home? I’d take that over going out any day. I enjoy time with family friends, and the outdoors. I’ve recently taken an interest in cooking and baking with others. Volleyball is my favorite sport. Hikes or making fires are just two of my many favorite things to do in the summer time. I love reading as well and traveling (although I haven’t gone very far yet). When I’m older I want to be an engineer and travel the world with someone that’s closest to me. These are a few things about me and I hope to share more about myself and personality through my posts.

Here is part of one of my posts to give you an introduction into what I’ll blog about:

“Every once in a while you have to do what’s best for yourself. Stop and look at yourself, your friends, significant other, maybe even your family… ask if you interact with these people for yourself or for them. Ask yourself if they want what’s best for yourself or for themselves. Sometimes you have to be ‘selfish’ and do what’s best for you instead of the people around you. Cut out the assholes from your life. Cut out the people who just bring negativity into your life.”

I look forward to sharing more of my thoughts and thank you for reading! (: