Sorry my blog is sometimes depressing,
my life, everything in it seems so
However no matter what
I’m crumbling down inside.
Trying to be ok,
struggling to find happiness,
it feels like every other day I’m back
at the beginning.
A chain affect of bad decisions
is probably what made me this way.
I keep thinking I’m ok,
then the next day it starts all over.
It’s a routine,
a carousel that never stops.
When will I ever be fully content?
I try my hardest but here I am.
People tell me eventually I’ll be ok.
Depression is the devil,
it’ll never go away,
just like the regrets you face
She used to be anything but silence.
Outgoing, sweet, making new friends,
she lit up the group chat.
She used to tell others her troubles,
eventually realizing nobody
She is now silent.
She stays isolated,
doesn’t bother others with her troubles.
She’s crumbling inside,
nothing will save her.
She is silent,
silently trying to succeed.
How long can a girl last
when she’s so silent?
I don’t go to therapy to find out if I’m a freak
I go and I find the one and only answer every week
And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
But, oh how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much about myself
– Dar Williams, What Do You Hear in These Sounds
My mind is full,
I don’t know what to write.
Everything is a blur,
I know it’ll end up
My life is good,
yet everything seems hard.
I don’t know what to do,
wait and it’ll be all good.
it’s what I’m good at.
I can’t get good grades,
I have to take medication,
I can’t sleep,
I can’t hold a relationship,
I can’t drive,
I don’t have a job.
Leave me be,
I’m just a failure waiting to die.
I’m not okay.
I feel like I want to commit suicide.
The one I want hates me,
thinks I’m some evil spawn.
Everything overwhelms me.
maybe then my feelings would escape me.
They come rushing back in,
there’s no escape.
All I do is bring people down.
All I do is push people away.
All I want is to make people happy.
All I want is people around me.
Yet it feels out of my control.
How do people live knowing
all they do is hurt others?
Please, I’m begging for the answer.
How do people stop hurting others?
All I want is happy people,
all I do is the opposite.
I need help,
I’m begging for it to go away
and it won’t.
I need it to go away.