I Don’t Understand 

Never understood how

someone like you could

be with someone like me.

I have a kid,

I know.

I suffer from depression,

I know.

I’m only 18, 

I know.

I’m sorry. 

Now I hurt you.

Sorry. 

I know it’s complicated,

I know others may not 

understand.

But I can explain it,

we’ll get through it.

Me having a kid is

for me to share after all.

I’m sorry. 

I guess it doesn’t matter so much 

to me.

It’s not a secret,

I’m not trying to hide it.

I just thought it was ok. 

Sorry for hurting you,

once again,

I never meant to.

You 

Let shit go.

Forget.

It doesn’t matter,

it’s not important.

You’re everywhere and 

I hate that. 

You’re always being talked about and 

I hate that.

You’re in my kid and

I hate that.

I can’t escape and 

it’s breaking me.

I have to forget,

I have to let go.

I thought I had, but 

tears are in my eyes and

I don’t know why.

I need to focus on myself,

at least I try,

but you’re everywhere so 

how can I?

Why Am I Afraid to Lose?

PTSD is a funny thing,

if that’s even what I have.

Afraid to lose

because of my past?

Because of my now?

Because of what?

Even if someone is mean, 

using me,

or even abusing me

can’t

leave.

Why?

Even if

I don’t care so much…

losing them is still hard.

I’m not ready for loss,

I’m not ready for love again.

Maybe I’ll just stay alone,

instead.

I warned you..

said I’d be too much for you. 

And when I lose someone,

it breaks my heart in two. 

Loss

Loss,

a funny thing.

Some can accept,

others have too much of.

Funny how even though

the one you might lose 

is someone you wouldn’t mind losing, 

it hurts anyway.

So you fight away.

Don’t be afraid of loss.

PTSD is a scary thing, 

but you’ll survive.