I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.
I just knew I had to write.
Thoughts running through my head….
How do I stop them?
I realized I’m being treated less than I deserve.
You want to play games?
I could play back,
but
I’m better than that.
You don’t phase me anymore.
It was hard
but for the best.
I just wanted honesty.
You gave me broken
promises,
had me believing lies.
You gave me false hope.
So ima go my own way
and wish you the best.
Sorry my blog is sometimes depressing,
my life, everything in it seems so
simple.
However no matter what
I’m crumbling down inside.
Trying to be ok,
struggling to find happiness,
it feels like every other day I’m back
at the beginning.
A chain affect of bad decisions
is probably what made me this way.
I keep thinking I’m ok,
then the next day it starts all over.
It’s a routine,
a carousel that never stops.
When will I ever be fully content?
I try my hardest but here I am.
People tell me eventually I’ll be ok.
Depression is the devil,
it’ll never go away,
just like the regrets you face
every day.
She used to be anything but silence.
Outgoing, sweet, making new friends,
she lit up the group chat.
She used to tell others her troubles,
eventually realizing nobody
can help.
She is now silent.
She stays isolated,
doesn’t bother others with her troubles.
She’s crumbling inside,
nothing will save her.
She is silent,
isolated,
silently trying to succeed.
How long can a girl last
when she’s so silent?
My mind is full,
I don’t know what to write.
Everything is a blur,
I know it’ll end up
alright.
My life is good,
yet everything seems hard.
I don’t know what to do,
wait and it’ll be all good.
Failing,
it’s what I’m good at.
I can’t get good grades,
I have to take medication,
I can’t sleep,
I can’t hold a relationship,
I can’t drive,
I don’t have a job.
Leave me be,
I’m just a failure waiting to die.
All I do is bring people down.
All I do is push people away.
All I want is to make people happy.
All I want is people around me.
Yet it feels out of my control.
How do people live knowing
all they do is hurt others?
Please, I’m begging for the answer.
How do people stop hurting others?
All I want is happy people,
all I do is the opposite.
I need help,
I’m begging for it to go away
and it won’t.
I need it to go away.
Don’t react.
There’s no reason to be upset.
Stop.
You’re ok.
Nothing is wrong.
Stop.
You’re fine.
You can handle being alone.
Don’t cry.
Stay calm.
Things I tell myself when
my anxiety decides to
attack.
I didn’t want it to be this way.
It was supposed to be good.
There was supposed to he happiness.
Now I see what is supposed to be I
will never have.
There’s so much hatred in my heart,
finally I realized.
How am I ever supposed to be happy with
someone
I love?
Sometimes it’s hard.
Hard to know why someone is with us.
Is it the sex? Or is it because they actually enjoy
you as a person?
Sometimes you know they love you.
Even though you know,
sometimes that person does something.
Then the anxiety starts.
It says “you’re worthless,”
“You’re never good enough,”
“All you’re good for is sexual pleasure,”
“That’s all people see when they look at you,”
And then,
you can’t help but wonder if
one day
it’ll be true?
allysnotsosimplethoughts 