No Escape

I’m not okay.

I feel like I want to commit suicide.

The one I want hates me,

thinks I’m some evil spawn.

Everything overwhelms me.

I write,

maybe then my feelings would escape me.

They come rushing back in,

there’s no escape.

 

Advertisements

A Cry for Help

All I do is bring people down.

All I do is push people away.

All I want is to make people happy.

All I want is people around me.

Yet it feels out of my control.

How do people live knowing

all they do is hurt others?

Please, I’m begging for the answer. 

How do people stop hurting others?

All I want is happy people, 

all I do is the opposite.

I need help,

I’m begging for it to go away 

and it won’t.

I need it to go away.

Violence 

Don’t be violent towards anyone ever. It can be as little as grabbing their arm and pulling them back in an argument. That’s still not ok. There are people who are physically and emotionally abused every day. Some who are abused take it out on other people like friends. Please don’t do this. There’s other ways of getting emotions out that don’t include hurting someone else. If you ever feel the need to hit someone or abuse someone in any other way just walk away from the situation and go on a run or write or do whatever helps you when you’re feeling a rush of emotions. It’s for the better I promise you.  

Sex or Love?

Sometimes it’s hard.

Hard to know why someone is with us.

Is it the sex? Or is it because they actually enjoy 

you as a person?

Sometimes you know they love you.

Even though you know,

sometimes that person does something.

Then the anxiety starts.

It says “you’re worthless,”

“You’re never good enough,”

“All you’re good for is sexual pleasure,”

“That’s all people see when they look at you,”

And then,

you can’t help but wonder if 

one day

it’ll be true?

Loop

Stuck in a loop

like your favorite song,

playing over and over and

over again.

Pushing away the ones 

who are close to you,

who you want and 

are scared to lose.

There’s no reason to think

this way but

here 

am.

Scared I mean nothing.

Scared you don’t care.

Too needy,

the loneliness consuming 

me. 

This is why I push people away before

they become too attached.

In the end they stay and

get hurt anyway. 

I’m sorry.

I don’t want it to be this way,

but for some reason it hasn’t ever 

changed….

This is How it Goes 

This is how it goes:

One thing upsets me, 

I get mad and react…

possibly without thinking.

Eventually I realize I might be

overreacting.

I then continue to be upset….

for different reasons like

I hate myself,

I’m a horrible person,

I’m not good enough.

Eventually I forget why 

I was crying in the first place and 

I try to tell myself to stop

and it won’t.

I hate depression.

I have no reason to be upset right now.

I feel like I’m absolutely insane and 

why would anyone put themselves around that?

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry.

I hate putting people through pain.