Stuck on you,
already feeling so stuck on you.
Feeling a connection I’ve never had before,
maybe I found the one…
Right person wrong time,
that’s definitely true.
I know you’ll be back,
and I can’t wait for that.
For some reason I want to be with you,
so I’ll wait for you.
I hope you have fun,
while I grow.
I’ll see you when
you come back.
I don’t know what I’m feeling right now.
I just knew I had to write.
Thoughts running through my head….
How do I stop them?
I realized I’m being treated less than I deserve.
You want to play games?
I could play back,
but
I’m better than that.
You don’t phase me anymore.
It was hard
but for the best.
I just wanted honesty.
You gave me broken
promises,
had me believing lies.
You gave me false hope.
So ima go my own way
and wish you the best.
I don’t go to therapy to find out if I’m a freak
I go and I find the one and only answer every week
And when I talk about therapy, I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish and in love with your shrink
But, oh how I loved everybody else
When I finally got to talk so much about myself
– Dar Williams, What Do You Hear in These Sounds
I’m not okay.
I feel like I want to commit suicide.
The one I want hates me,
thinks I’m some evil spawn.
Everything overwhelms me.
I write,
maybe then my feelings would escape me.
They come rushing back in,
there’s no escape.
All I do is bring people down.
All I do is push people away.
All I want is to make people happy.
All I want is people around me.
Yet it feels out of my control.
How do people live knowing
all they do is hurt others?
Please, I’m begging for the answer.
How do people stop hurting others?
All I want is happy people,
all I do is the opposite.
I need help,
I’m begging for it to go away
and it won’t.
I need it to go away.
I didn’t want it to be this way.
It was supposed to be good.
There was supposed to he happiness.
Now I see what is supposed to be I
will never have.
There’s so much hatred in my heart,
finally I realized.
How am I ever supposed to be happy with
someone
I love?
Sometimes it’s hard.
Hard to know why someone is with us.
Is it the sex? Or is it because they actually enjoy
you as a person?
Sometimes you know they love you.
Even though you know,
sometimes that person does something.
Then the anxiety starts.
It says “you’re worthless,”
“You’re never good enough,”
“All you’re good for is sexual pleasure,”
“That’s all people see when they look at you,”
And then,
you can’t help but wonder if
one day
it’ll be true?
Stuck in a loop
like your favorite song,
playing over and over and
over again.
Pushing away the ones
who are close to you,
who you want and
are scared to lose.
There’s no reason to think
this way but
here
I
am.
Scared I mean nothing.
Scared you don’t care.
Too needy,
the loneliness consuming
me.
This is why I push people away before
they become too attached.
In the end they stay and
get hurt anyway.
I’m sorry.
I don’t want it to be this way,
but for some reason it hasn’t ever
changed….
Fighting a battle with myself.
I have something good,
regardless of depression or
anxiety.
My life is good,
my mind says no.
Through nightmares each night,
I attack myself.
Try to convince myself it’s
bad or
I don’t deserve it.
Depression and anxiety.
Attack you…
When things are going well.
Is this why people like us
never have good things?
What’s wrong with the human brain?
Deep down we tell ourselves
we don’t deserve
anything
good.
Let shit go.
Forget.
It doesn’t matter,
it’s not important.
You’re everywhere and
I hate that.
You’re always being talked about and
I hate that.
You’re in my kid and
I hate that.
I can’t escape and
it’s breaking me.
I have to forget,
I have to let go.
I thought I had, but
tears are in my eyes and
I don’t know why.
I need to focus on myself,
at least I try,
but you’re everywhere so
how can I?
allysnotsosimplethoughts 