Stuck in a loop

like your favorite song,

playing over and over and

over again.

Pushing away the ones 

who are close to you,

who you want and 

are scared to lose.

There’s no reason to think

this way but



Scared I mean nothing.

Scared you don’t care.

Too needy,

the loneliness consuming 


This is why I push people away before

they become too attached.

In the end they stay and

get hurt anyway. 

I’m sorry.

I don’t want it to be this way,

but for some reason it hasn’t ever 


Fighting a Battle with Myself 

Fighting a battle with myself.

I have something good, 

regardless of depression or


My life is good,

my mind says no.

Through nightmares each night, 

I attack myself.

Try to convince myself it’s 

bad or 

I don’t deserve it.

Depression and anxiety.

Attack you…

When things are going well.

Is this why people like us 

never have good things? 

What’s wrong with the human brain?

Deep down we tell ourselves 

we don’t deserve



This is How it Goes 

This is how it goes:

One thing upsets me, 

I get mad and react…

possibly without thinking.

Eventually I realize I might be


I then continue to be upset….

for different reasons like

I hate myself,

I’m a horrible person,

I’m not good enough.

Eventually I forget why 

I was crying in the first place and 

I try to tell myself to stop

and it won’t.

I hate depression.

I have no reason to be upset right now.

I feel like I’m absolutely insane and 

why would anyone put themselves around that?

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry,

I’m sorry.

I hate putting people through pain.


It’s a black and white kinda day,

just like this storm that we can’t escape from.

The wind blows, 

the clouds rumble,

the rain washes everything away.

Even on these stormy days I think

this world is so beautiful,

why do we abuse it?

Leave it be,

let it heal.

How some of us feel inside,



a rush of emotions.

Let us heal,

just like this beautiful world

around us.

I’m My Own Person 

I hate not feeling good enough.

I hate feeling like I need to ask permission.

I hate feeling like everything is my fault.

Nothing bad can even happen and

I will still feel those things.

I don’t need to, I’m my own person.

I don’t take orders,

Nobody’s in charge of me.

I’m my own person,

I need to believe that,

I need to think it all the time.

I’m my own person and

Nobody controls me. 


I honestly hate the way I am right now. Some days I feel perfectly happy and I’ll love everything about myself. My personality, my hair, my body, my stretch marks, everything. The next day I can go straight to hating myself or feeling like I’m not good enough or hating how I look or I’ll be standing in the mirror and want to cry. I honestly can’t pinpoint what it is. I’m usually super nice to people and I want people to be happy; even the people I don’t necessarily like. Other days I’m perfectly fine not being perfectly nice to those people, now why is that? I guess I’m trying to go back to being the person I once was, loving everything about myself. Sometimes, however, that’s hard. An example is that last night I built a cake at my job, today it has to be decorated. In their Snapchat story my coworker posted a picture of the cake I built with the caption “I hate my job.” I know it could just be a prop for the photo. I know it doesn’t necessarily mean the cake was built badly, but it still makes me feel really terrible like I messed up or it’s all my fault. It’s not I just feel a little bad for possibly messing up, it makes me feel extremely bad. It makes me feel like I’m a failure at everything I do and should leave everyone alone because all I do is hurt people and mess up. Even if someone says something to me and they’re not upset about it or anything I’ll apologize and start feeling terrible and they’ll say “oh it’s fine it’s fine it’s no big deal” in order to try and calm me. I think I’m this way because of my past. I think I’m this way because I’m extremely damaged and I’m just trying to get through it. That’s why some days feel great and others feel terrible. I’m trying but I’m not quite there yet. The thing is, I can’t ever imagine myself being 100% okay. How does someone get over something like this? It’s amazing to me that people have.


It’s interesting.

You think of the past,

of people now gone,

of memories forgotten,

now remembered.

You think of the people

in those memories and realize.

They’re not the ones you miss, 

you just miss the feeling or the 

specific action.

Maybe that’s when

you’ve moved on.