You Don’t Know

We all think we know something; how somebody feels or what they’re going through. We all think we understand what it’s like. I am here to tell you that you don’t understand and you never will unless you experience it yourself. I learned this the hard way.

I always thought that I understood depression. The not wanting to get out of bed, not eating, feeling sad. I realized that I didn’t understand once I got depressed myself. I thought it was just random bursts of extreme sadness and feeling like you don’t belong.

I learned that it is so much more than that.

It’s staying in bed hours after you wake up because you don’t want to go through another day.

It’s not eating 1. because you don’t have an appetite and 2. because you don’t feel like you deserve to take proper care of yourself.

It’s feeling alone to the point where you feel like you’re in a world by yourself. It feels like there’s nobody else out there. Like you’re the only that didn’t turn in a world full of zombies.

It’s feeling sad, but when people ask, “how are you?” it’s not knowing what to say because you’re sad and don’t know why or it’s so complex and you don’t want to get into it. You may even know that they’re only asking to be nice, but not because they really want to know so you say, “I’m fine.”

It’s feeling like you’re a waste of space. Like you’re a piece of trash on the street, something that isn’t important or worth anything. Like you’re something people just want to throw away.

It’s feeling so insecure about yourself that you can’t even look in a mirror. It’s like you don’t want to believe that you’re beautiful and questioning why & how somebody could ever think that about you.

It’s hating everything about yourself.

And lastly, it’s staying up late into the night, unable to sleep because of the sadness and loneliness.

Now, it’s not a bad thing to think you know or understand…I just wanted to tell you that you don’t know and can’t ever know because I made that mistake once too.

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