On Wednesday, October 14th, 2015 I gave birth to a very beautiful, healthy baby boy. Almost 3 days I got to spend with him in the hospital before he went home with this amazing family that I had chosen to become his and my own.
I knew that when I became pregnant I had three options: abortion, adoption, and keeping this small bundle of joy. At the time I was 16, almost 17 and I knew that I would love this baby with all of my heart and the thought of somebody else raising him I couldn’t even think of at the time.
After more thinking I realized that I’m not capable to provide the life that this baby deserves and that no matter how much I love this baby, I want to be able to live out my teenage years and accomplish the goals that I have set for myself…I came to the solution of open adoption.
In the beginning it seemed surreal, my boyfriend and I were sitting there looking at pictures on a page and letters people had written. Who knows why, but it was hard to believe that these were real people, that the situation we were in was real. Eventually, when we finally met a family we had chosen…it felt real.
Throughout the rest of my pregnancy my family and I spent time with these amazing people and spent time getting to know them; early on it felt special, this relationship. They became a second family.
When I went into labor…I knew what was to come, a few days in the hospital with my baby boy and then home he would go with these amazing people. Even though I knew they would take awesome care of him and treat him and love him as if he were biologically theirs, it was still really hard. The day that he went home with them there was a ceremony, people from my family came, one from my boyfriend’s and of course, the adoptive parents. It was a very meaningful, emotional event for everyone that was there. There was nobody in the room that wasn’t crying. I believe the tears were happy…for the adoptive parents and sad…well because for those who visited me in the hospital, they grew to love this little guy. Also, I was the first out of all of my cousins to have a baby.
When it came time to place this beautiful baby into the arms of the adoptive parents I stood there, staring at this little guy. When I was ready I went over and placed him into their arms, I went to take a step back and almost lost my balance because I was no longer holding him.
I knew that this was the best decision I could’ve made, hard but the best. Since that day it’s been a bit of a struggle. My body is trying to get back to normal, my hormones are running wild and of course I miss the little guy, but it’s a open adoption so I still get to see him, spend time with him and celebrate birthdays and holidays together which is awesome! I also know that I gave that family an amazing gift…the gift of a child that they couldn’t have themselves. I am so happy for them.
It’s just that some days I don’t want to eat or get out of bed. Sometimes I’ll be smiling and laughing, but the next second I’ll be crying and curled up into a ball. However, I don’t regret my decision, and oddly I don’t feel any relief either. It helps that the adoptive parents have been in contact with my boyfriend and me every day, updating us and sending pictures, hopefully I’ll be able to see my little boy soon.
Two things I was told by the adoptive parents the day my baby went home with them:
- “This is the best day of our lives.”
- “Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not a mom.”
I will hold both of those in my heart forever.
I know I made the best decision for everyone involved, and I hope my relationship with the adoption parents, and their relationship with my family will grow so that they become a part of our family and we a part of theirs.
Thank you for reading my story.